-1-
Sleep was impossible the night after Jean stabbed me—the smaller pieces left in my eye made blinking excruciatingly painful. I settled for keeping the eye closed all the time.
In the morning, a corporal instructed me to go to the infirmary and have it looked at but, only if the doctor had time. I was escorted to the infirmary building where I was immediately chained to a bed.
The head of the infirmary was Dr. Frank. He was a recent medical school graduate who always seemed so unsure. He wore his white coat over his uniform which made him look professional but, he hardly had a full range of motion.
I sat in the bed for a few hours because he was instructed to put me on the bottom of his priority list. It was fine with me because I wasn’t working and could people watch out my window.
The infirmary was the cleanest place I had seen on the camp—that included the kitchens. The space was small, it had 5 empty beds covered by sheer plastic curtains and an operating room in the back. There was one other man in a bed as well, he was a soldier who was recovering from shingles. The doctor told him today was his last day in the infirmary and he could leave as soon as he felt up to it. I could hear the faint sounds of a show playing on the soldier’s Syndicate.
For hours I heard Dr. Frank exchange hellos and acknowledgements with his patients but, when he finally came over to me it was without a word.
I was a second class citizen to these people.
“Open your eye.” he instructed.
“I don’t think I can.”
He put his fingers on either side of my eye and pulled it open. My teeth gritted in pain.
He looked at the wound and with my good eye I could see he appeared pretty much perplexed.
“I’m just going to pick the pieces out and wash it out with saline. You should be fine,” he said.
He picked up a set of tweezers and began to jab at my eye taking out pieces of the lens often nicking my eyeball.
I had these particular set of lens put in by Blackbird on his kitchen table because he didn’t want to leave the food he was cooking. Blackbird had lost a poker game the day before and was still hung over as he messed around in my eyes. I felt more comfortable back then than I did with Dr.Frank.
We were quiet and stoic, both waiting for this moment to end when I heard the rhythmic pattern of footsteps coming towards us.
“Dr.Frank,sir ! Dr. Frank, sir!,”
He immediately stopped and looked at the door as the blond boy came in. He was out of breath but stood up erect to the doctor
“Sir, Private Marx he. . .he . . . fell 20 feet and. . . twisted his . . . his arm on the training course. The wind is knocked out of him he can’t walk. They need you now sir.”
“Of course, uh okay,” Dr. Frank responded
The doctor hesitated and then finally grabbed his bag, put a few items in it and headed out the door in a sprint.
I heard quiet steps and saw the boy was now leaning against the wall, catching his breath.
After a while he glided over to me.
I looked up to see he had the tweezers in his hands.
“What the fuck are you doing ? Don’t you dare.”
He did it anyway. He rested the tweezers near my face and gently withdrew the tiniest piece of glass. In reality his hands were so small and careful he seemed more apt than the doctor.
“What is your name ?” I asked
“Why ?,” he said fearfully, like I was trying to get him in trouble.
“I want to know the name of the person whose fault it is my only friend hates me even more than he already did.”
He smiled to himself like he thought I was joking.
“Alex Haley.”
“What did you guys do with Jean ? You owe it to tell me.”
“Mr.Dory is in isolation for the night.” he said, “They are watching him now. If I were you I would warn him that if he messes up again he will end up in purgatory next.”
“ He does not want advice from a soldier,”
“I told you, I’m not a soldier,” he said, “I’m a prisoner. ”
“Really ?” I questioned. I honestly did not buy it.
“Hmm , . . . well, I stole a pair of shoes,” he said
Compared to the deeds I did I forgot that was even a punishable offense.
“ I don’t buy that,” I said
“You can look it up. My older half brother, Harlow wanted a pair of shoes . He and his friends decided to steal them. I did not know what he was planning that night but, I went along with it because I look up to him. We were some of the first sent here for our correction,”
Correction. Did he really just say that ?
“Where is your brother ?,” I asked. I was sure if there was someone around the camp who looked like him I would have noticed.
“They all tried to escape. Their plan was bad, they were going to get killed. Harlow said I had to come but, I was afraid to go. So I reported them. They took Harlow away for 20 days and when he came back he was different . The next day he was hanging from the raptors by our shoelaces. They officers didn’t know why he did it but, said it might have been he could not handle purgatory .
Sgt. Maxwell said I could go to Purgatory next or become his assistant because I was so honest. My sentence was over months ago and now they pay me a little bit to be here. I am not a soldier but, civilians cannot be in camps so, I am technically considered a prisoner—as I should be, I guess. The point is everyone wants to escape no one ever does—not by running away.”
“ I can’t believe you told on your own family. I would never do that to Jean and we aren’t even related.”
“Even though he stabbed you in the eye ?,
“He is just tweaking,” I said
He put the tweezers down.
“Drugs ? That’s terrible,”
“Doesn’t everybody do chrome or ice or something around here ?,”
His eyebrows furrowed for a second.
“My mother likes chrome,” he said,” She can just barely feed us. Drugs kill so many people here. A dealer from the cartel got so upset with her for not paying he threatened to sell my sister, she was 9. It’s so horrible.”
It was the first time I heard something that sounded close to emotion or feeling in his voice but, the pleasant “Hi, I’ve been brainwashed” temperament was still there.
When I was in high school you couldn’t find chrome even if you tried--everything else, sure but nothing that hardcore. Nowadays, I knew ravers , pros, assassins, leeches and dirty cops who used it but I never thought of someone’s mom. I mean maybe I had roughed up the occasional person who had kids but. . .
“Mr. Gray, you are not like the others,” he said, “That is why I told you to tell them not to go and why I am telling you all this. You can be fully corrected like me.”
Corrected. That word again.
“I don’t want to be like you,” I said,” I don’t want to kiss some dick headed sergeants ass,”
“Don’t say that about Sgt.Maxwell. He is better than any of us will be. I owe him everything; he will lead our country to greatness.”
“This is not my country.”
I don’t know why I said that. Maybe because each day I found myself closer to calling my Dad to bail me out.
“That is right. You are from the East.”
He opened his mouth to add something but, decided not to. He covered it up by picking up the syringe of saline solution and splashing it in my eyes. Most of it ended up in my face and up my nose causing me to cough violently.
“I’m sorry,” he said
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black handkerchief with a military embroidery on it and handed it to me.
“How is the East so different from us ?” he asked as I wiped my eye.
A question I myself had been wondering. Very few people got to live in both places like I had and I wondered myself what the real differences were.
“ I’ve heard things,” he continued, looking at the wall, ”I heard everyone is rich. What does it look like ?,”
“Same sprawls different people, different values—only I am pretty sure most people survive well off. There are lots of--.
“Boy!,”a rough voice called.
Haley’s eyes got big and he slowly turned on his heels and looked over noticing the soldier in the other bed for the first time.
“Sir ?,” he said walking to the soldier who had addressed him.
“Bring me a bottled water from that fridge over there. And then go see what Lt. Mitchell has for you,”
“Yes,sir,” he said giving me a backwards look before going over to the soldier’s bed
***
Dr. Frank took the time to reset my leg and said I should be able to walk within the next month or so. I was struggling with being here and honestly did not see myself waiting that long. With that courtesy he let me go.
In movies they always show people breaking body parts or stabbing themselves to stay in the infirmary and now I understood. Going back to that washroom was the bane of my existence.
I saw Jean at lunch the same day I was let out of the infirmary, he seemed just as gay as ever chatting with Avery and a few others. I didn’t want to deal with him or any of that so I sat by myself and I actually felt more at ease. I was squeezing a lemon half into my water when I heard the clank of silverware and I saw Haley sitting across from me with a tray.
He looked at me for 5 minutes non-stop while I ignored him. I did not need the others turning on me for talking to him.
“Since when do you eat with the rest of us ?,” I finally asked not looking him in the eye.
“I have always chosen to not eat meals and instead sit with Sgt. Maxwell because no one would talk to me after I turned Harlow in and became Sgt. Maxwell’s assistant. I was a target then and you seem a bit of an outcast now too.”
“I don’t want to be brainwashed by you.”
“I’m not brainwashed.”
“That’s what brainwashed people say.”
“Can you finish telling me about the East ? ” he said,” I am just curious.”
“Why ? It seems like a touchy topic here. Are you going to tell Sgt. Maxwell everything I say ?,”
He considered this.
“I won’t tell him everything you say. I will just tell him we were talking about your home we won’t be specific. Is it true you never have night because the sky is a fabrication ? And you have no acid rain ? I hear there is no sand or desert.”
“I’ve never experienced acid rain until here that is true but, the sky looks the same and everything is city. I mean there are a few resorts with beaches that have sand.”
“Is it true everyone has money ? ,””
“I grew up in a neighborhood built by my Dads company, everyone I knew had money because they worked for the same company. I imagine there might be some poorer people but there is government aid,”
“Is it tr--,”
He stopped short for no apparent reason. He looked embarrassed.
“What ?,” I said,” We have an hour you may as well ask me all the dumbass questions you want.”
“Some of the soldiers say the reason people from the East are so cold hearted is because they are built in machines. That people in the East don’t make love to have a baby, they just grow them in machines instead of inside their mothers ?,You are all built like custom built like cars.”
“No one would put it that way,” I said ,”It’s called surrogate invitro. It is just easier to control and perfectly normal. I mean it saves time and energy . . . I mean I guess.”
“So, it’s true? That is scary.”
“How the hell is that scary ?,” I said. I was getting frustrated, ”I imagine scary is pushing an 8 pound person out of a an 11 cenimeter opening.”
“Babies are proof of an intimate physical bond between two people. The population is a testament to the importance of that. Babies are a result of love no matter how temporary the love is—in your country it is not so, the whole process losses some meaning.”
I wanted to laugh my ass off at his incredibly stupid statement but, settled for a smirk. His expression never changed as he looked at me.
“So, what you think your parents love each other more than mine do ?,” I challenged
“Well, I don’t know my father--,”
“Of course you don’t,” I sighed, sarcastically
“—or your parents so I guess I don’t really know.”
“I guess not,” I said
He pursed his lips and picked up his fork.
“My family is dirt poor,” he said “Somehow we never mixed tuna and French toast.
***
I was born into a group of friends who I had known my whole life, like Allison. Most of them had left me for college while I stayed at home but, when I went to college I had made friends with my roommate. I never thought about making friends but, I felt like I knew the process pretty well at this point it. First contact, they help you, you exchange personal information and you gain a small affinity for that person.
My job never stopped sucking but there were those three minutes or so when Alex Haley would come and talk to me about what mundane or slightly amusing things were happening at the camp. The only people who tried to break the rules more than the prisoners seemed to be the soldiers. A few of them had even got together to unroll the cigarettes and mix weed into the tobacco.
And then there were the ones who enlisted because they had no other plans and were not fit for military life. He talked about a group of soldiers who were the center of attention at social functions hitting on all the women, first on the dance floor, ready to start a bar fight but, the second they were in front of an officer literally lost their voice and only had the ability to make sounds.
It was an odd friendship. We came from two different worlds and he talked about Sgt. Maxwell a little too much for my liking but we managed.
He said even Maxwell understood in an environment as bleak as this war camp friendships could be made and did not mind us talking so long as everyone knew their place. As much as I liked hearing about his life he enjoyed hearing about mine.
“United States,” he said to me one day,”We used to be one country isn’t that crazy ?,”
He was sitting on the floor with a large black boot in his lap carefully polishing it.
“It would be interesting if this war brought us back together like the Civil War.” I said
“Yes,” he agreed, “But, one side will takeover and I don’t want to be taken over by the East. I mean aren’t you all atheist ?,”
“I prefer the term rational humans,”
“I think some things in this world are to perfect for there not to be a God, a Master Planner. Sgt. Maxwell says people in the East have been using machines to disprove God for so long they can’t believe in him,”
“I’ve been told by people in the West that I look perfect. God and his random alignment of DNA had nothing to do with that. Science did.” I said
“Sgt.Maxwell says you can love science but it will never love you back,”
“That’s what other people are for. Besides, they have found love is a chemical
reaction they can duplicate.”
“What about miracles ? Sgt. Maxwell says science can never explain miracles.”
“Tell Sgt. Maxwell I don’t believe in miracles.”
“Did I hear my name?,” a deep voice said as Sgt. Maxwell came through the door. For a big guy he walked quietly. I was sure he was listening in the whole time.
“Sir,” Haley said standing up,” I was just telling Mr.Gray about your thoughts on religion. That is all.”
Maxwell smiled at this fact.
“Really ? Well, you boys can finish this conversation later. Come with me Haley I have a job for you,”
-2-
We did continue the conversation that night. It was almost 10PM—lights out-- and I saw Haley furiously washing his hands in the latrines. It was the first time I had ever seen him enter the latrines—he always avoided them.
“What are you doing ? It’s almost 10.” I said
He rubbed his arms with the harsh lye soap.
“I don’t feel good,” he said,”I don’t think I had chicken pox, I might have shingles.”
“What are chicken pox ?,” I laughed. It sounded hysterical to me.
He turned off the water and looked around absently for a place to dry his hands.
“Come on,” I said walking out,” If you have a disease you will only catch another one in here.”
As we walked out and headed for the barracks he stopped at the door and looked at the officer’s housing.
“Maybe you should see Dr. Frank--,”
“Yes, in the morning I will.” He said and headed into the barracks.
Everyone was snoring in bed already.
Our same two crappy beds were waiting. When we lay down I started the conversation from earlier.
“So, If you think God is so great and God is aware of it why does he make you suffer so much ? ,”
“The same reason Sgt. Maxwell yells and is mean. He does it to teach and test people and to remind us of his power.”
“Right, well I am going to stick to believing in myself for now.”
“Believing in yourself has gotten you--,”
He paused and sat up suddenly in his bed looking over me. His eyes were instantly filled with terror and a strange assortment of syllables came out of his mouth
“Al—hn-al-la-ha-,”
He was hyperventilating.
I turned to see he was looking at the tv screen behind me. The usually pretty brunette anchor looked scatter brained and words FATAL NUCLEAR ATTACK ON REPUBLICAN LIBERATION ARMY went across the screen. The broadcast appeared to be going over its usual time. A second later at 10 sharp the screen blacked out into a clock.
I barely had time to read the words.
“What did it say happen ?,”
“I don’t . . .I don’t know.” He said
“It was probably nothing,” I said but, the boy’s eyes were brimming with tears
“I’m scared, what if it’s a raid. What if we are next what if--,”
“Stop it,” I said,” Listen if it was an actual nuclear bomb we would have heard or felt something--,”
“But, Alan--,”
“Shut up, I’m going to bed you should do the same.”
It was a few minutes after I laid down that I heard him do the same.
I was nearly asleep when I heard the barrack door bust open.
“ALEX!” Maxwell shouted
Everyone else began to wake at the sound
“..what the hell”
“fuck !”
“what . . .”
“trying to sleep, son of a bitch .. . ”
“SILENCE!” Maxwell shouted. I heard him fumbling in the dark, he was running into the beds
“Where in the hell are the lights, damnnit ! HALEY! HALEY!”
“Sir?, I’m here Sir,” he said lifting his arm.
“Come, now .” He ordered
Before he could get out of the bed Maxwell made his way over and grabbed the boy’s arm and dragged the boy out the room like a rag doll
“I don’t want to hear a single word out of this barrack !,” he shouted on his way out.
I could hear activity going on outside and did not get any sleep that short night.
***
We were all awoken early at 5AM and taken to the main part of camp and into the assembly hall. I had never seen the room before it was a place of formal meeting. The building was one of the few structures built out of material that wasn’t tent. The floors were hard wood and there were lines of metal chairs facing a tiny raised stage where a few officers were sitting.
The red-eyed officers were in dress uniform, the soldiers were still in night clothes as were us prisoners.
A corporal was making us sit in alphabetical order and I ended up next to Jean—who looked too tired to notice me. The room was silent and no one seemed to have a clue as to what was going on. There was an empty spot among the officers and I realized Maxwell was not there.
I looked around and finally saw him outside the window besides the dumpsters. He was sitting on a bench and Haley was on the bench beside him crying into the man’s shoulder. Haley’s body was shaking and I could see Maxwell mouthing words to him. The sight of them scared me—what the hell exactly had happened ?
A corporal saw where I was looking and immediately closed the curtains.
The head of the camp, Major Gen. Scott stood at the front of the room. He was the only one who had a poker face. His eyes scanned each area of the room and he nodded his head to someone in the back. Two screens appeared at his side and they clicked onto showing a succession of clips from last night’s news broadcast.
“Men, today is going to be a mournful day. At 9:45 PM last night there was a nuclear attack by the Eastern State Military in an attempt to stoop us into submission and end the war. The target was Fort Life our sister fort and where our weapons are housed. It has crippled our forces and the civilians could be next.
“ Since the late night hours the party leaders and military leaders have been in discussion. What this means for us is we must be ready to protect the country. We will continue our rebellion towards complete liberty until we can give this country our independence. Today will not be a day of work for us—we will mourn the loss of our fallen brothers and regroup tomorrow. You will all be alerted as new decisions come in.”
A private in the audience immediately stood up.
“Sir, Major General , sir. If I may—I would rather train today. I want to be ready to protect my country.”
“Sir, as do I sir !” another voice called
It was followed by a chorus of affirmations.
“Excellent soldiers but, we must mourn our fallen today.”
We were dismissed and as I stood to get up Jean took my hand.
“Alan, you were out of line brother ,”
“I-,”
“--but, I may have overreacted. We need to stick together here. And you are keeping the wrong company.”
“You mean Haley ?,”
“Is that it’s name ? Alan, you should know by now to never trust anyone in uniform. Something tells me things are about to get real around here and we need to draw our own lines. This is the military who knows what they are hiding from us, they can’t be trusted.”
“Jean you are talking like a crazy man.” I said,” The last thing we need are lines. And you know what, maybe there is a reason some things are a secret or left unsaid.”
“Oh, Alan.” He said,”I have let you out of my grasp to long.”
-3-
There was a change in the conversations of prisoners as the days went by. Some of the other men felt like they had a purpose and a lot of them had changed. They were the ones who had military tattoos done in the latrines when everyone was asleep. They talked about enlisting once their sentence was complete.
There were still some who agreed this was a sign to rebel , like Jean. These few men, maybe only 3 or 4 really though they could take down this whole camp and escape.
I wanted to have an opinion but, I had not had one. I could go both ways to be honest.
One morning at the start of the day we were lined up outside as usual but, instead of the Maxwell and his squad watching us there was only one Corporal there. His name was Corporal Strange—the auburn douchebag who had started the fight with the prisoner on the first day.
“In light of today, you will all be escorted to the recreation room where you will be allowed a limit of 2 phone calls. If you so please—then you will work a half day starting at 2 PM. “
As everyone turned and started towards the recreation room I stayed behind. Jean noticed and walked over to me.
“You don’t want to call anyone ?,” he asked
“No.” I said, ”Who are you going to call ?,”
“Alan, connecting with the outside is how I will help us get out of here. I’m sure I can find someone who can be paid enough to be our man on the outside. ”
“Are you still on this escaping kick ?,”
“It may not be today or tomorrow or next month but, I promise we won’t be here forever.
He turned out to be partially right.
“I have no one to talk to so, I’m just going back to bed.”
I went back into the empty barracks, the sun was starting to come up, I had never seen the barracks when it was daylight and the light streamed through the window.
The place looked better in the dark.
The front door creaked open and I heard Haley walk in. He was dressed different, instead o his usual dark uniform he was wearing a stark white button up shirt and gray cardigan with a military insignia embroidered in it..
“Where have you been ?,” I asked him nonchalantly.
I had not seen him since the night of the attacks a couple weeks ago at this point.
“Work.I have to step up like everyone else,” he said
He was still standing by the door tapping his foot against the door jam.
“Hey, come with me,” he said
“What ?,”
He was now standing outside the door.
“Come on.” He said
I followed him out the door and we began walking towards the officers quarters.
“I see you got tired of the
uniform.” I commented looking at his cardigan.
“ Sgt. Maxwell gave it to me ,” he said pulling on the sweater, “ I think it’s the most expensive gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“He bought you a gift ?,”
“Yes. He gave it to me yesterday because he will be out of town today and tomorrow.”
“Is it your birthday ?”
“No, tomorrow is Christmas. It’s a Christmas gift.”
“Oh, I had no idea. No wonder everyone is acting different today. We don’t really celebrate Christmas where I am from.”
“Really ?,” he said
When he got to the door of the officer’s quarters he opened it.
“Uh, where are we going ?,” I asked
“Sgt. Maxwell has a TV in his room. We can watch the news in there.”
The inside of the living quarters reminded me of my college dormitory. The small hallway was strung with red and green lights, there were 4 doors, each door had two names on it except for the one that said Maxwell. Haley hesitantly reached into his pocket and stuck a key into the door and opened it to a modest bedroom.
There was a large bed in the center of the room, taking up most of the space, a desk, an open wardrobe full of military uniforms and polished black shoes . Beside the bed was a nightstand with a frame on it and I noticed a few frames on the desk. Everything had a place.
“Sit there,” Haley said pointing to chair in the corner.
He opened the middle drawer on the nightstand and pulled out a remote, turned the TV on and switched it to a news broadcast—sure enough they were talking about the nuclear attacks, there was a body count and a related story on the amount of people who were still afraid to enlist.
“Doesn’t this make you upset ? Why are you torturing yourself ?,” I asked
“Well, they usually show a Christmas parade. I guess it would be in bad taste now—but, the news is just as well. I like to know what is going on.”
There was a story about how they were moving the presidential elections up, not that anyone was in the front to win except for Romer. The screen switched to Fort Perch where families were being ushered out—anyone who was loyal to the former Eastern Government rule, like Jean’s parents were given a week to leave for fear of retaliation. The camera then went to the Republic Capitol in Fort Perch where they showed a row of people walking in. The procession was flocked by cameras and reporters.
“There look. Look !,” Haley said going up to the screen and pressing his finger to it. “There is Sgt. Maxwell , do you see ?”
I saw him walking somber faced alongside 2 other officers into the building. The reporter was reading off from a paper :
“Representatives from Camp Independence, Major General Gerald Scott with Sgt. Kenneth Maxwell and Major. Franz Rogers,” he read
“What is he doing there ?,” I asked
“He was invited with the Major General to the War Convention. It is a secret meeting where they are going to decide how we are going to win. It is an honor for him.”
I was glad Jean was not around to hear the words secret or war convention.
“They are leaving a fate of a country in that motherfucker’s hands,” I said
“Alan don’t say that.”
“ Why not ? ”
He went over to the nightstand and handed me the frame—it was on an image of a young Maxwell at some graduation with his parents and who I assumed where his brothers at his side. After a few seconds the image cycled to one of just his family.
“Before Sgt. Maxwell was in the army he was a prosecutor for the Republic. He put a lot of bad people in jail and is a natural leader. He only has true respect for those who earn it. Think ; has he really done anything to you that you have not deserved ? He is hard but fair. Sgt. Maxwell has never uttered a loving word to me but, he was there for me the night of attacks and yesterday he gave me this present. ”
Maxwell could be a saint and I still would not have liked him.
“Do you think so highly of everyone in uniform here ?,”
“Yes, even the brand new cadets. When they come from training camp and meet Sgt.Maxwell he tells them ‘we’ve been harassed by the Eastern States too long and now we have to fight. Even if you are a drafted soldier you should still make—‘”
“—their father’s proud.” I finished
He stared at me quizzically and I decided to look suddenly interested in the group picture of the camp in my hands. The image turned again and I was looking at Haley again—this time in a picture surrounded by children and an older woman.
“Is this your family ?”
He looked over.
“I’m don’t get to leave much so my mother sent me this photo. I don’t have a frame to display it on so, Sgt. Maxwell put it in his frame.”
The family itself was nice but, the kids were all bastards who looked nothing alike and the mother looked half dead. I wondered which one was Harlow when the image changed again to show a large office, I could make out Haley sitting at a desk that had a Kenneth Maxwell name plate. The office seemed just the right size for Maxwell’s ego.
“You’re getting this dirty,” he said taking the frame from me and setting it back down. He lied back on the bed, resting his head in the bed and exhaling.
“We work so much lately with news of the attacks,” he said, “The others do so well on little sleep.”
The news was doing the best it could to rerun the same clips over and over again in a different way but, it was all just the same thing. At first I was mesmerized but now I was just bored. I heard Haley inhale deeply again and I saw he was asleep, his hair down and covering his face.
Something implied me to start looking through Sgt.Maxwell’s room. I was sure I could find something good on him. I quietly opened the closet, there were some blankets piled in the top but, nothing out of order. I went over to the desk and saw more pictures of the soldier around camp, and a Rubix's cube--I wondered how he lived here with no real things. Nothing he kept for no reason.
I opened the top desk drawer and found a labeled box with some food in it. It was from Fort Perch and the label had been decorated with drawings of smiley faces in marker. The next drawer had civilian clothes in it and the last one was locked.
I had broken in to enough places to know this was not a difficult lock to unlock. I went to his desk and stuck a pen underneath the drawer and it popped open. I turned to see if Haley had woken but he had not.
The drawer was locked for a reason.
Inside was a box of vanilla flavored condoms and lavender body oil. The stuff itself was not contraband or interesting. The soldiers left camp all the time on the weekends to go into town.
What was interesting was the Jack Daniels. Alcohol was forbidden at the camp.
It was not just the one bottle it was a case of 8. There was also a bottle of Rohypnol but, it looked like a prescription and had no interest to me.
One bottle of Jack Daniels was already half gone so I unscrewed the cap and took a drink. It went down smooth and the memories that flooded back to me made it feel even better. I let myself get lost in the memories
“Alan,” Haley said
Shit.
He got out of the bed and came over to me, his mouth was hanging open. I was getting a buzz.
I forced the bottle into his open mouth, he quickly spit out on the ground. I honestly wondered what secrets he would spill if he was drunk. I also just plain wondered what he was like drunk.
“Alan, you can’t tell anyone about that--,” he said looking at the bottle .
“As long as you don’t say anything about me,” I said taking another sip
“Don’t drink it !,” he said,”Sgt. Maxwell will know.”
“ I will fill it with water or--,”
He took the bottle from me.
“Alan this is wrong, you have to do the right thing --,”
I was sick of his sanctimonious
redeeming speeches. I took the bottle from him and easily tackled him to the
ground, pinned him down and forced the bottle into his mouth. He finally pushed
it and me away and he didn’t look nearly as upset as I thought he would be. He seemed to consider spitting the whiskey on the floor before just swallowing it.
“You always act like you have a stick in your ass," I said "Trust me, whiskey is the perfect pain reliever for pain emotional or physical.”
“It taste awful,” he said but, he was smiling.
“Why aren’t you pissed ?”
“You’re the size of my brother, Harlow. He used to beat me up all the time—fighting with you reminded me of him, that’s it.”
He sat next to me so we were the same height and looking face to face.
“I’m not the one who looks like life has beat me, you are,” he said,” I wish you could see how you look to me. So, defeated and angry and begging for a way out. You really aren’t like the others. You seem lost and afraid, it’s hidden beneath that body of steel.”
There were a lot of things I kept hidden. I never really mourned Minnow’s death, I had gone straight to killing guys for Rayne. I wanted to cry, I could feel the tears building up but, I always held them back.
Haley hugged me.
“ I think Sgt. Maxwell will get a promotion soon and then I will move with him,” he said “ If you start working at it now I am sure you will have my job. Then they may shorten your sentence and you can have whatever life you want. It’s not perfect but, it’s better than this, right ?”
I didn’t say anything.He picked up the bottle and headed into the small bathroom in the corner of the room. I heard the water running.
***
The next day, Christmas day we were allowed in the soldier’s common room because most of them went home. There was an elaborate tree set up with gifts sent in from schools and volunteer groups underneath it. A few soldiers had opened some of the gifts but most of them were watching the TV. I saw Avery sitting next to a solider on one of the couches with a glass of hot chocolate—everyone was even today.
The attack has made us all realize how similar we were. Soldiers and prisoners were beginning to act civil to each other.
“Where is Jean ?” I asked Avery.
I hadn’t seen Jean since our conversation yesterday.
“Got in a fight over his phone call with one of the guys and the dickheads locked him down. That Jean sure is a brave one. We need people like him if we want to get out of here.”
The cadet next to Avery seemed to be pretending he hadn’t heard the statement.
I walked around the building until I found Haley in the hallway.
“They locked down Jean again. Can you take me to him ?,”
He seemed hesitant.
“Okay,” he said
We walked out the building and into another one that was similar. We went down to the basement where there was a row of empty cells—save one. Once he had taken me down there Haley left us alone.
“Jean, what the hell ? Stop with this, okay ?” I said,”You are being an idiot for no reason. You have changed—“
“I’ve changed ?,” He spat at me,” I never said this to your face, Alan but, I was proud of you. I mean back in the Sprawl you were the best--,”
“I’m not proud of that.” I told him,”If you keep acting up these guys are going to hurt you. They aren’t shitting around anymore. It is not helping that you are rebelling against the rebellion.”
“Alan you are a god damn trader. The military does not help anyone. Trust me, you will walk into the shower only to be gassed to death one day.”
“That is absurd. Don’t you see they need us. They don’t want to kill us. Jean I think--,”
“Go away, Alan.” he said,” They have gotten to you but, I won’t let them get to me.When you get your head back on right, I will still be there for you but, you are just a poison to me.”
I gladly walked out only to be spooked by Haley waiting for me around the corner
“Holy shit,” I breathed and the continued to walk past him
-4-
I enjoyed my first Christmas actually. I sat in the back watching the other men sing carols—the prisoners and soldiers beginning to really talk for the first time. They exchanged stories and I listened in the back alone. Avery and his group of idiots were stand offish because they like Jean were at war with the wrong people. Haley spent a majority of the day out of sight on the phone talking to his family.
The day after things went back to the way they were. Haley had not taken of the cardigan, he had been given and his demeanor was happier. He gave me updates on the outside world and on Jean.
“Mr. Dory is still in lockdown. Corp. Anderson told everyone who used to work with Mr. Dory if they tried anything they would be taken straight to purgatory. All they do is shout threats at Cop. Anderson all day. Isn’t that funny ? Also I told Sgt. Maxwell about you last night and he said if you showed promise he might give you some kind of severance.”
“Really?” I said
“Hey, Haley did you happen to know anyone named Cleo ?,” I asked
He paused for a moment, thinking.
“No, why ?,”
“Nothing.” I said
“Why did you ask ?,
“No reason.”
“Tell me.” He said
I needed to change the subject.
“You know is the reason you aren’t a soldier because you are to young ?,” I asked
“No. Sgt. Maxwell said it was better I not be one. Why ?How old do you think I am ?,” he asked with a smile
“I have no idea you look like a 14 year old girl,”
He didn’t get offended but started to laugh. It was the first time I heard him laugh and it struck me as funny as well.
In the middle of the laughter I heard loud footsteps coming towards us and Sgt. Maxwell stormed through the door and slammed it shut. He took up most of the space in the room.
“Sir.” Haley said standing up and then moved his eyes over to me urging me to copy him but, I didn’t.
I would never be okay with doing that.
“HOW DARE YOU !” Maxwell shouted, coming towards him, “ I left the camera recording, how dare you allow another person into my living quarters --,”
“I-“
“DON’T TALK BACK TO ME, HALEY !,”
There was a passionate anger in his voice and Maxwell raised his arm in a threatening poise, Haley moved defensively. At first I thought Haley was covering his face with his hands and then I realized he was standing in front of me.
Maxwell reached down and took the boy by the collar pulling him over to where I was sitting.
“I meant no harm---I’m s-s—sorry --I--please,” he quivered as the man jerked him. Maxwell grabbed his thin neck and his eyes filled with fear as Maxwell pushed Haley’s face into the full sink.
I was paralyzed.
The sink was full of sharp things, bleach, chemicals and hot water
Haleys body reacted like a drowning victim : arms flailing splashing water, kicking his feet and mumbling. He kept moving wildly until everything just stopped all at once and he was calm--like a toy that just broke. Maxwell took his arm out of the water, leaving Haley's face submerged and looked in disgust at his sleeve which was now bleached. His arm was shaking.
He walked out the door tripping on the step on the way out.
A second later Haley pulled himself out of the water—the top of his sweater color drained-- and fell to the ground with the most horrifying scream I have ever heard---it haunts me to this day.
***
The next morning I was called out of line up by Corporal Strange and instructed to follow him.
“You are being reassigned,” he said to me.
I got into his motor cart and we headed across the camp. I watched the men on the training field, hanging out on the yards and others going about their drills. We arrived at the main administration building—one of the biggest building on the base. Strange got out and we headed inside the building and down a narrow hallway. The door at the end of the hallway had Maxwell’s name on it and we could both hear an argument going on inside through the paper thin door..
“--I said shut up,” Maxwell said
“I’m sorry, please don’t do anything bad—please it was my fault, send me to purgatory--,”
“Quiet!” Maxwell’s voice cracked
I saw Strange look uneasy as he knocked on the office door.
“Please,sir. I will do whatever you want. I will be good,please--”
“I said stop it, enough of this!,”
“You punished me already, don’t hurt Alan. I will take more, he didn’t do anything--,”
“I didn’t punish you, it was a mistake I--,”
“Yes, sir I know, sir. I'm sorry, sir.”
They did not hear him knocking so, the Strange slowly opened the door. The voices quickly silenced.
“Come in!,” Maxwell barked
The office was the one I had seen in the photo on Maxwell's desk. It was huge.
Maxwell was standing in front of his desk, Haley was on his knees clutching one of Maxwell’s arms.
“Sir,” Strange greeted Maxwell.
Maxwell shook out of Haley’s grasp and made a clicking sound with his mouth. Haley quickly stood up.
“Please, remember Mr. Gray is good —,”
“Disrespect me in front of my men and I will have you both punished in purgatory.” Maxwell barked.
"I'm sorry, Sgt.Maxwell, sir."
Maxwell went over to his desk and began typing on his computer. Haley’s perfect stance dwindled and he lost balance for a second gripping the desk.
“Sit down,soldier,” Maxwell smiled, “You are on strong painkillers, if you are going to be here I don’t need you falling on your ass embarrassing yourself,”
His tone was almost kind.
"Yes, si--,"
"Enough sucking up to me," Maxwell cut him off, "I don't want another word from you."
Haley opened his mouth to say something but, stopped himself. He sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk. Neither of them had really acknowledged Strange and I’s presence.
I looked over at Haley, his face looked slightly red and irritated and he was wearing a pair of pitch black round eyeglasses that covered just his eyeballs. He seemed to have found the chair just fine and had faced Strange when we came into the room so I deduced he could still see.
“ My instinct is to have you disciplined,” Maxwell finally said to me.
I saw Haley moving around in his chair.
Maxwell walked closer to me, I had to look up just to see his eyes.
“However, under light of certain requests you are being transferred up north to Fort Life—“
“What ?The place that was bombed ?”
“Silence, Mr. Gray. We lost considerable soldiers and they need assistance. I think you will be of more use there. You leave this afternoon. You are dismissed.”
Before I could say anything Strange pulled on my shoulder and we exited the room. On the way out I heard a chair push back.
“Thank you.”
