Light brown, hazel I guess you would call it.

In all my time with known Jean Dory, even with all his misunderstanding of personal space his true eye color had been a mystery to me.  Before we could board the bus Sgt. Maxwell instructed the corrections staff to confiscate any personal items and that included  anything cosmetic. It ensured we looked the part of the mindless government killers.

With that went Jean’s contacts.

With his short hair and light eyes he looked  a completely different person.

The bus was cramped and small—there were not enough seats for all of us.  The air inside was heavy and dry, the only noise came from a screen in the corner that was on the Military News Network. The channel was running a series on special operations training in the military—the soldiers looked like superheroes. Big muscle bound guys handling weapons, learning how to fight, adored by women and all while being humble

We were supposed to be reading a manual they handed us about military codes of conduct but, no one had even opened it.  A few of the guys had begun to talk. Some of them had committed petty crimes like minor theft or disturbing peace and had a 90 day stay.  There were a few who had their heads in their laps praying or asking for repentance. People in the Republic loved to pray, they loved religion.

I was just thinking of my escape. There was no way I was going to spend most of my young adult life here.

A common thought was; If the war ended tomorrow what would they do with us ?

Jean had mellowed out a bit and had struck up a conversation with the older man next to us. He had wavy hair, an arrogant expression on his face and reminded me of someone who might be one of my Dad's friends.

“Just embezzled a couple hundred,” the man replied in response to Jean’s question of how he had gotten here.

“A white collar worker, brother?,” Jean asked

“No way. I am a poorly paid accountant. They said I took a lot more, when it was just about 800. They found me guilty of grand larceny no trial or anything,” he scoffed.

“Romer is trying to make an example of us,” Jean explained “Look how many bad guys I can put in jail,”

“With his pro-human bullshit I hear he is against the death penalty.” the man said, “You think they are going to use us for target practice instead of just executing us efficiently.,”

“Wouldn’t put it past the sons of bitches,” Jean sighed.

Jean reached into his pocket and took out the cigarettes they had given to us. He pulled out the lighter but,  his hands shook and he couldn’t light the end before the flame went out.

“Fuck!,”  

The lighters only stayed lit for 5 seconds at a time and it would only light 3 times in a day. It was one of the many  things about this place to keep people from hurting each other.

After hours the bus finally pulled into the camp, we all looked around eagerly but, it was nothing impressive to see. It was in the middle of nowhere, there were makeshift buildings and bunkers set up everywhere and, not many people around.  We were driven to the farthest edge of the camp—a considerable distance away from the soldiers part of camp.

 We were taken off the bus and walked to our barracks—although they just barely qualified as barracks.

 Across from them were the officers quarters, they were small makeshift houses made of tough plastic and thick canvas.  I was sure there living quarters were nice but, not as nice as nice as the officers who job it wasn’t to babysit prisoners.

We were given 2 sets of clothes that we would have to hand wash in the sinks and then air dry.  They led outside to the front where we were lined up, the 14 of us. It killed me that standing up was now the most difficult thing for me to do, the ground beneath us was mud and my crutch was getting stuck in it.

 Sgt. Maxwell was there with his entourage although I guess in reality they were officially called his squad. But, to me they just seemed to be there to look like there were people who thought he was amazing so I think entourage fit better. The girl was with them again and this time she had a clip board,  she was standing in the back behind the sergeant scribbling quickly.

Sgt. Maxwell quickly picked people of from the line and barked orders at them to follow one of the corporals in his squad.  He chose 4 for waste disposal duty, 5 for laundry room duty and 5 for field maintenance leaving me standing by myself. He stood in front of me glaring at the crutches I was barely holding onto. He was big but, he didn’t intimidate me at all—he had no real power and I mean what the hell was he doing six months ago before the war ?

“Now, what the hell are we supposed to do with you ?,” he sighed—clearly amused

The remaining  officers laughed  along with him, but it sounded amazingly forced.

“Let me go ?,” I reasoned

This did not amuse him.

“No. And take care to remember you will address me as sir, Mr.Gray.  Do you understand?” he said

Suicide seemed a better option.

We had a staring contest for a while.

“Listen to me, Mr. Gray” he said, “Everyone in this uniform, me included has worked hard to further this country’s reputation and dignity. People like you are not helping those positive efforts. We  are not all striving to be drug dealers or whores.  Each and every soldier in this camp works hard and has earned respect for what they do and you sure as hell better give it to them.”

He reached over and held my wobbly crutch balancing it firmly into the ground.

“We will get you a chair and you can wash dishes.”

***

Humiliation.

If that was there goal than they may have won for now.

There was no orientation to anything here.  I was set down with a pile of rags  in front of a gigantic metal sink filled with hot water, strong bleach and  other strong chemicals. The sink could easily have been a child's swimming pool.The amount of dishes in this place was insane and they kept piling. The smell of the cleaning chemicals was making me sick after only a few minutes.

I was the only one in the washroom, I could hear people cooking in the kitchen bantering—it was lunch time for the soldiers and the dishes kept coming at an even pace. After a few hours I needed a break. My throat felt hoarse , my nose was running and I felt dizzy. I contemplated drinking some of the tap water but, it only came out scorching hot for some reason.

 I thought about sipping the dishwater with all its chemicals--- one sip of this water would kill me or at least get me sick leave. I was feeling claustrophobic, I needed fresh air.

 The dishes were dropped into the sink by a slot in the wall, no one was actually watching me and no one had once come to check on me.  I turned the water on full blast and let it hit the sink, the dishes in the water began to clash and clink as the sink filled with water. It sounded like I was washing them.

 I pushed out from the chair and crutched to the back door of the washroom . Using a dirty knife to pop the lock I opened the door. I was not going to leave, I just needed to let some fresh air in.

The air never tasted so sweet as I stood at the doorway-- I figured stepping out for a moment wouldn’t hurt. I left the water running and stepped outside;  leaning on the side of the building to relax my arms from the crutches. Suddenly I heard a sharp inhale of shock  from my left.

I turned to see a boy standing against the wall a few feet  from me, bare-assed,  his black pants around his waist. We stared at each other in shock for a few seconds and then he quickly pulled up his pants and adjusted the belt only giving me a quick sideways glance.

There was something mesmerizing about his face I could not stop staring. As I looked at his uniform I saw the odd collar and realized he was the girl—well, person I had seen earlier.

It was no wonder I had mistaken him for a girl, he was angelic and blonde, a face  too beautiful to be a boys. He was the only person I had  seen here with long hair—which he still had pulled at the back of his head.

 “I’m sorry,” I said

His face was flushed pink as he adjusted the last belt  loop. He never looked back up at me.

“It’s nothing--just wait until you see the latrines,” he said walking away from me quickly.

 His voice was sweet and fiending confidence.

I quickly turned my attention back to the door and went back inside.

***

 

Our lunch time was in fact not a real lunch. We ate after the soldiers and out meals consisted of  leftovers from the last few days of the soldiers meals--- reheated and served again.  The combinations were odd, the textures questionable and there was hardly enough edible things on the plate to keep someone really full. The food combinations did keep me entertained.

I had yet to see one soldier other than the ones in Maxwell’s squad in my time here because they kept us so distance. I sat next to Jean whose shakes had gone away and now he was just a jerk. He was sitting next to his embezzler friend from the bus---Avery. They appeared to be sharing a joke because they were laughing loudly. At their laugher one of the corporals turned a warning glance.

“Avery used to work for my brother, Harry” Jean told me,” And says he hated him.”

“Always seemed a little too perfect,” Avery said “But, you should have seen his browsing history. When I came into clean out my desk I sent a copy to everyone in the office and his wife.”

This seemed to make Jean almost too happy.

I had given up on eating the ground taco meat and moved on to the boiled mushrooms when I heard shouting across the other side of the cafeteria. We all turned to see one of Maxwell’s corporal’s standing over a prisoner demanding an apology for bumping into him. The corporal was a tall athletic auburn man who looked like a douchebag. The prisoner was one of the petty thieves and succumbed to the corporals orders.

“All these military assholes are on power trips,” Avery said,” I mean that guy, I know I’ve seen him in town. He worked at  a diner I had lunch in. Corporal my ass.”

“I fully intend to fuck with these guys especially Maxwell,” Jean said

“ Jean,  don’t you think they can hear you ? Why do you think we have these Syndicates ?” I reminded Jean

“The government does not have enough money to make these syndicates actually work,” Avery said,
“I should know I did accounting for the defense department some.”

“Let me see . . .," Jean mused, adjusting the Syndicate "Sgt. Maxwell is a motherfucking son of a bitch and I full intend on cutting his balls off,”

Nothing happened and he and Avery found this hilarious—I was less than amused.

I scanned the area and saw the boy from earlier sitting at the end of the Maxwell’s table. They all sat in the back of the dining hall at a long table with a view of the whole room. While the other members of the squad appeared to be in deep conversation he was quietly sitting on the edge.

He didn’t really look like a girl now that I looked at him but, there was something extremely effeminate about him. He sat with his arms and legs crossed in a very closed  position with his head always slightly down never making eye contact with anyone. When the Sgt. addressed him he merely gave him sideways glances, nervously opened his mouth to mumble a few words and went back to playing with his fingers and moving a black coffee mug   from side to side in front of him.

From where I sat I got a good look at his face; he looked young but, could be my age, He had big light eyes and thick pink lips he kept sucking in self-consciously, he appeared to be deep in thought, never cracking a smile like the others  would do  occasionally.

 He seemed innocent enough but he also seemed to have an in with the bastard  officers. Still,  his uniform had no rank..  I had no idea why I was so perplexed by the androgyne. He was just so beautiful and seemed completely unaware of it

“Alan ?,” Jean said

I snapped my attention back to him.

"What ?"

“Tell me what  do they have a cripple doing ?,” Jean asked picking the crust off the toast.

“I, uh—I had to wash dishes. It sucks.”

“To think a man who used to kill for a living,”

This statement seemed to make Avery nervous.

“You would have enjoyed it, Jean” I said,” The fumes made me feel so high I had to step outside so I didn’t pass out,”

The silverware around the table clattered

“You went outside ?,” Jean said, “You aren’t chained to anyone or anything ?  You didn’t try to escape ?”

“I-,”

The words caught in my mouth. I hadn’t even thought about it, I was an idiot.

 Sgt.Maxwell stood up snatching the up black mug in his hand. He took a long drink and  then addressed the room.

“You will return to your duties until 9PM. Lights will go  out at 10PM and  then you will report back at work at 7AM. Do you all understand ?”

There was a unison “yes,sir” and quite a few mouthed “fuck you’s”. I included myself in the latter group.

As  the men began to disseminate Maxwell walked up to me and threw his dirty  mug at me and kept walking.

-2-

 

The quiet was new to me,  I had not known  quiet for a while. I had given  Dad a “fuck the world it’s all about me“ attitude but as I sat  elbow deep in dish water I thought about my past life.

 I missed hanging out with my dad—all of my friends were always so jealous whenever he pulled up to school with some new fancy car. Dad had always indulged mom and I with whatever we wanted. A part of me missed my new college friends like Marc and the spring break we planned so long ago. I wonder how it had gone for them. I imagined if I would have gone I may have gotten my first real kiss there from a nice girl who I could have brought home.

I thought about Minnow a lot. I missed her smile, I wondered what she would say or do in every situation. If she had been with us that night would she have come up with a plan for us to get out? Probably.

 I hated how close yet, how far we had been  from each other. I knew every inch of her body,  how to make her laugh, how to make her toes curl but I had no clue when her birthday was. I wanted to just wake her up from the dead just to ask her all those little questions—just so I would know. If anything her death taught me not to take advantage of the good things in life—to bad I was learning that now when there was nothing good in my life.

I missed freedom.

***

The latrines were hardly a half-assed effort. There were six showers which only ran cold water, 4 sinks and 3 toilets—no stalls. It was all in an open drafty room  that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in decades. The whole structure looked like it was made of rust and shit. The soap smelled like lyme and they had not even given us towels so people dried themselves with their clothes.

I forwent the entire experience and hobbled to the darkened barracks which had a single light bulb for the whole room, a screen and  a clock in the corner.  The screen was on the nightly news and as soon as that went off at 10 PM the screen would shut off and  became a clock again.

The news was still  on when I came in. The anchor was reading a statement from the Eastern Military declaring they were in peace talks and no matter what happened the war would be over by the end of the month. Of course they said that every month.

I made it to the last bottom bunk, it was right above the light that hummed incessantly and attracted all kinds of bugs—the worst spot in the barracks. I closed my eyes, the people beside me where already snoring in their sleep. Everyone else did manual labor and passed out the minute they got inside.

 Sleep did not come easy for me, the bleach had aggravated my skin and I was tired of sitting down. I turned over and came face to face with the heavenly  blonde.

I jumped and he quickly looked away only to look at me again, his face expressionless. He was curled up, lying on his side, his eyes landed on me for a second and then he stared up at the light bulb like it was the most interesting thing in the room (which I suppose, it was). He was biting one of his fingers his teeth were extremely white.

***

By day 10 I was sure I was going to go crazy.

 I did not belong here. I had fucked up and part of me wanted to call my Dad to come and get me now. The military dicks were jerks and I was sure they could build machines to do all of  our jobs. I had never called anyone sir in my life and I was finding the prospect incredibly demeaning.

As for the androgynous soldier I had not seen him up close again—not even in the barracks. He was always in the corporal’s entourage either carrying a clipboard or other papers; he seemed to be always writing and never made eye contact. He spoke but I never heard his words.

Saturday morning—the day most people rested  Jean cornered me in the latrine before work. Jean and I did not speak much anymore, we had nothing to talk about besides Minnow. I was the only one he could discuss the circumstances of her death with but, neither of us wanted to talk about her.

It was a petty thought but, part of me believed he was upset he and the rest of the guys did hard labor while I sat on my ass all day.

“Avery and I are getting out of here,” Jean said to me

 “What? How?,”

“They had us cleaning up the infirmary last night. It was my worst nightmare—blood, dirty needles, tubes but,  someone left  a syringe out and I took it. We figure we make a run for it--,”

“If you get caught they will kill you,”  I told him

“Listen, Alan not one person sees you as strong here. You are a weak link, I am telling you about this because we have been through a lot together and I will look out for you, brother. It happens tonight, when they only have one guard at the barracks,”

“Jean,” I said

“Listen, the only person I loved in this world is dead. I was only living for her so, nothing would make me happier than dying.”

-3-

I felt like I was in hell if I believed in such things, which I was starting not to even more than I already had. I was back to washing dishes back to my mind wandering and reliving moments in my life. I still had some illegal drugs running in my veins so, I had very vivid memories that felt real. I felt like I wasn't in the washroom.

I heard a door open behind me and began to work quicker.

I looked over my shoulder  to see the blonde soldier with a collection of files in his hand. I turned away and became extremely interested in cleaning a pot.

He pulled a stool across from me, wrapping his thin legs around it. As I turned to face him he seemed uncertain, for the first time I saw both sides of his nearly symmetrical face at the same time. A small silver earring of the Liberation Army insignia intertwined with a cross hung off his ear, I also noticed a  small ‘Liberation Army’ tattoo with the Army’s motto in latin on his wrist like a bracelet.  His skin was  already sweating from the heat of the water.

After he didn’t say anything to me I began to ignore him.

“Don’t do it.” he said, his voice was high. His tone matched his appearance-- soft and melodious

“What the hell are you talking about?”

 I’d be dammed if I called him sir.

“Don’t try,  and leave. It is not worth it,”

I scanned his clothes for a name tag but didn’t see one.

“How do you know about that ?”  I asked

I realized I should have played dumb, I was losing it.

“I saw them steal the syringe and I know they are your friends. I turned the speakers of the Syndicates on and I heard Mr. Dory and Mr. Johanssen  talking. I cannot talk to them in private but I can talk to you. You all should not even try,”  he said standing up.

“Why should I listen to a motherfucking soldier ?,” I asked calmly.

He flinched when I cursed and covered his face with his hands

“I’m not a soldier,” he said walking to my other side, his boots making a soft clicking sound.

He stood closer to me--he smelled like sweet lavenders and vanilla. 

He stood in front of me while I was seated. I had to look up at him but, I could tell I easily had 3 inches on him.

“They will catch you and you have a fate worse than death. You will be punished. That means they lock you in purgatory,” he said “ Or you will be taken to the crucifix where they will beat the flesh off your back and leave you on the giblet in the middle of nowhere for weeks. Even if you do escape camp—which you can’t-- You won’t make it far before the Eastern State Army camps sees you and  kills you with their robots soldiers. They have these indestructible metal beings with  arms made of machine guns and they eat your flesh with--”

He stopped because I had let a laugh escape.

“That sounds like such  bullshit. Do you really  believe that ?,”

He nodded his head slowly like I  was the stupid one.

 “ I’m pretty sure the Eastern State does not have flesh eating soldiers and I am sure there is no purgatory because this is hell. Don’t you see that crap is what they make up to keep people like you in check.”

His face dimmed and he walked over to  the door.

“It is all true, don’t even try to go I am tellin-”

“ HALEY!,” an angry voice shouted in the distance.

His eyes widened.

“Yes, sir, I am coming,sir.” The boy called as he  sprinted out  the door

I continued with the dishes but looked over at the empty chair, actually missing the company.

 

-4-

Jean and Avery had been using their dinner to draw a map of the camp quietly.  Oatmeal was where we were, carrot sticks were the main entrance and grilled chicken stood in place of the night guards.

While I had been banished to the kitchen they had seen most of the camp on their details. Avery was not happy I knew about the plan because he was sure I would slow them down. Jean assured him it was every man for himself.

I  had been thinking about the beautiful soldier---Haley, I assumed---warnings.

“Hey, what do you think of that soldier ?” I said motioning to the blond who was drinking out off a mug awkwardly with two hands like he had never seen a mug before.  Excess liquid landed on his lips and he quickly licked it away. It took them a moment to find him among the much larger soldiers.

 “Well . . .that boy has  cock sucking lips if I ever saw them,” Jean commented.

“Boy ?,” Avery chuckled, “I was most certain he was a lady or something to keep our testosterone in check.,”

“No, I’m pretty sure he is a guy,” I said recalling our first meeting,” I mean, I’m 100 percent sure,”

“You think he is going to be a problem ?,” Jean asked turning back to his map.

“No, I was just thinking.  He hangs out with the soldiers but he sleeps in the barracks sometimes. And I mean—look okay he talked to me and told me not to do this beca--,”

“You told him ?,” Avery shouted and a corporal shot him a look.

“No,” I said,” I don’t think he knows all about the plan,”

That was a lie I was sure he knew exactly what they were doing but, I was not going to make a scene.

“Of course he told you not to do it , Alan.” Jean said,” Alan listen to me, brother. This entire war is a clusterfuck of violence and wars over whose computer is faster. By being here we are contributing to that. It is the moral of the situation. I can’t be apart. We are going tonight.”

I agreed,  but this plan seemed contrived, we need more time.

“It’s like you just want to die,” I said,” I really don’t think that would be what Minnow wants. Minnow always knew when to play it cool--,”

I was cut off by Jean suddenly standing up, grabbing a butter knife  and pushing it into my right eye. The entire room silenced and I knew everyone was looking at us but I just stared  back at him. The cybernetic lens in my eye fractured but my eye was unhurt as he pulled the knife away.

A coporal grabbed him and  began to escort him away but Jean resisted.

“Alan,you did not fucking know my sister! You did not know her, you did not love her like I did ! Don’t you ever try and tell me what she wanted all you did was kill her—You did not know her !,”

Two corporals came at this point and were trying to take him off but he was still struggling and shouting at me.

“You didn’t know her ! FUCK YOU ALAN !,”

He was crying, He was upset and a piece of him may have been right.

When he had been taken away, I turned away from the table and looking at the ground  picked the bigger pieces of lens out my eye. It pained me to blink and I was sure without professional help I might really hurt myself. The corporal came over to me and told me if it was bleeding in the morning they would try and find room for me to see the doctor.

“Nice going,bitch.” Avery said,”I’m sure you are happy.”

 I hadn’t riled Jean up on purpose, I was trying to do the exact opposite. Still a part of me hoped this would get him to stay. 

***

A/N --  Bonus points to anyone who can guess who the androgynous soldier, Haley is based on.

       -- Also, I will learn the correct usage of blonde/blond by next postings.