Citizen Soldier

 

"Sara protects her family,"

We had been pushing the van for one day and one night and I had yet to hear Saint speak one word to me. The time had passed like nothing to me and I did not feel weak or tired. Maybe, I was just determined to accomplish my goal and to not piss Sara off for once.

"I'm sorry ?," I said

"Sara will never say it but next to her children our lives mean nothing to her. You put them in danger and she will react. That's all."

I kept walking trying to decode that message. Did he really think I was that upset over her yelling at me ? I guess I was.

"She thinks you remind her of her husband,” Saint continued “ But, I think you remind her of herself,"

He was stringing together more words than I thought he was even capable.

"What do you mean ?," I offered, attempting to keep this conversation going.

"Sara is ambitious but ordinary much like you. Derek pulled her in a world that questioned her morals and her ideals of right and wrong just as you have been.And Rayne pulled her farther  in and in 6 years she forgets that she was ever a naïve teenager--until she met you,"

"You knew her before she was a killer?," I asked ignoring the fact he just called me naive.

"”I have only known her 5 years.,”

It seemed like we had miles to go. I wondered how many questions I could get away with asking.

"I guess, I’m confused--are you and her together ?," I asked

"All I can say is I will put my life on the line for her ," he said

"Go ahead, ask," he said," I know you want to,"

I paused

"So, you were a part of the Saint Project ?," I finally asked

He nodded

"Yes, Alan," he said, "I'm sure you noticed my Saint Mark upon our first meeting. Because of my involvement with that program I empathize with you, I know how it feels to have something inside you. Something controlling you but, it makes you something more if you can learn to control it,"

"Control it ?," I said,” What do you mean it ?,”

"Cybernetic implants like ours can  make you very powerful and connected but, most of the time people become victims to their own body"

"Then, why did  you choose to be this way?," I asked

"It is a story," he said

"I don't think I'm going anywhere,” I sighed

“ I won't  tell you the year I was born in because a part of me still knows that is classified government information and you would not believe me even if I were to tell you.

I grew up in an impoverished are just outside of the LOLA Sprawl—it was home to many international immigrants, refugees and ex convicts seeking asylum. My parents were immigrants, although from where I do not know anymore.

The militia needed our land to expand the military base, they told us we were alive at their mercy and  to leave or be killed. I was a young man a bit younger than you so, while my parents ran I stayed  behind.

 I learned the government was powerful and it intrigued me, I was fascinated by their control. I was friendly with one of the captains--helping him when I could.  I asked him to take me on as an unskilled laborer until I was old enough to enlist. The military agreed for some reason. I did mostly grunt work but, I learned the names of those I needed to get to the top.  7 months after I officially enlisted I was given control of my own unit.

 

My unit and I  patrolled the Sprawl—I created intense operations that took down drug lords and criminals who are now my friends.  I stopped many crimes and kept order but over the years I learned so much about war, the world and history and I gained a great pride in this military. We were so powerful. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of history and give myself to this  powerful force.

 

 I made a visit to my parents one day and gave them all of my pension and money I had to my name and  I volunteered for the Saint program. It was the last I ever saw of them.

The selection process took years but,when I was eligible for the program I signed away all of my human rights. The first step is an operation and rest period that is a haze to me but-- to come alive after wards was like a type of rebirth I will never forget. I awoke in this glass enclosed room and when I looked at my reflection I had the Mark--the silver cross.

I retained basic knowledge but I knew intimate details of my life had been erased. We were shown images and our reactions were recorded, if you reacted correctly you were officially in the program, if not you were labeled as a reject and killed. I passed, of course.

My sole existence was protecting my country and being a loyal servant. I fought, for my country like a warrior should and I saw bitter destruction in lands you can’t even imagine. But, I also saw good—we saved lives--I was a real life hero. Life was a daily grind--we did our work, slept a little that was it there was no social interaction.

But, you see Alan for years I was in the program and things were not like they are in the popular films, there is no girl who can come along and default the program and make my life better. There is never a  breaking of rank.

At least not willingly.

Sara was out on one off her first kills when I saw her walk past our barracks. She was the first woman I had seen in years. I admit I thought she was beautiful and I did not see her as a threat.

She was not wearing a uniform or ID badge so, I addressed her. She said she came out her to see our commander, she said was desperate. Not just any person was allowed in the part of the base where we lived so, I assumed she must be a close family member. We talked all the way to my commander’s office and she got things out of me—memories, and emotions simply by speaking to me--it was odd.

It turned out my commander was her target and after she killed him, I went with her.  You see the entire time we were talking she was a hacking and overriding the Saint hardware that was inside me . She let the pieces of my former self come out and my former self wanted to leave with her. I feel an innate sense to protect her and her family, whether this is a natural feeling or simply more hardwiring I don't know but, truthfully I don't care.

I find the program in distaste now. I hate its existence-- none of us know what we are truly sacrificing. We were just young men who wanted to be invincible.

I still feel the machine inside me and it's effects but, I have learned to control it. I have seen men who the program did not work for them. You must learn to control it. I sympathize with your Alan Gray I pity you.”

 

***

 

I did not know if that was supposed to make me feel better but, it didn’t matter. All it told me was despite what Sara could do he was still screwed. After he finished talking he kept his eyes ahead as if he had said nothing at all.

I looked up and  immediately stopped. I saw something ahead.

 Time had passed quicker than I thought I stopped pushing and went to the front seat of the car. Sara was sitting at the front seat, her eyes barely open.

“I’m not sure,” I said “but, I think we are here,”

 

“It can’t be,” Sara said looking at the GPS  as she hopped out and looked ahead at what I was looking at. “The coordinates say we have a way to go,”

 

I didn’t know where we were but, I was glad to be there.